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Progressive Leadership
by Carole Nicolaides, MBA
Recently, I was asked to facilitate a meeting and offer coaching to 20 executive
members at a company's strategic conference. As I sat quietly and observed
everyone in the room, I began to notice that all conversations seemed to revolve
around placing blame.
Can you picture the setting? A long oval office with 20 people, separated in 3
departments, and each of them pointing fingers when asked why things weren't
progressing as planned. I must admit that sitting at this gathering revived my
memories of being a corporate refugee. Now, as if this experience was not
enough, the very next day I heard the same scenario from an entrepreneur I was
coaching.
To make matters worse, at the end of that same day, I caught myself playing my
own blame game! It was a revelation for me and even though my intellectual mind
knew that blaming others for my circumstances was not a healthy habit, I ended
up doing it anyway. Why do we do this? What positive result does it bring?
Why is it so hard to stop? Wouldn't we be better off if we ceased and desisted?
I reflected a bit on my own blaming pattern and was able to find some
interesting correlation to the results that I want to have and the results I was
receiving.
Blaming others is one of the worst things you can do in relation to emotional
integrity. It is distantly related to an addiction. Pretty soon almost
everything that does not happen according to your liking becomes someone else's
fault.
If you want to become a progressive leader - if excellence and success is your
motto in life - then blaming others cannot be tolerated. Once I reached this
firm realization, I implemented several steps to help me overcome the blaming
addiction and take responsibility for myself.
1. Be aware. Too often we fail to notice that we are playing the blame game.
It's a natural defense mechanism. Paying attention to how we respond when
questioned about our actions or performance is the first step in taking
responsibility.
2. Respond responsibly
. Just as blaming is a defensive move, so is reacting.
Rather than react - we should respond. While we might want to react immediately
with a burst of anger, stop and consider the choices. We have a choice of
reacting impulsively or responding cautiously to the situation. What will your
choice be?
3. Be honest
. Let's face it - some people simply like to place blame in order
to be relieved of responsibility. That shows a huge lack of self-honesty. Case
in point: one client, who made a six-figure income, was stuck in debt. He lived
far beyond his means and was very casual with his finances, causing himself and
his family to suffer. When I asked the question "Who else is paying the price
for your financial irresponsibility," his answer was SILENCE. My question
caused him to be honest with himself, and triggered him to take drastic actions
in order to improve his financial life. Lying to yourself only causes the
problem to get worse - not better.
4.
Don't burn bridges. What happens to relationships when you place blame?
You are unlikely to earn forgiveness. You are more likely to alienate yourself
from your coworkers, peers, vendors and others by pointing fingers. Not only
will you ruin relationships, but you will also lose the trust of people who you
work with.
5. Be a good role model
. When others see you accepting responsibility for your
actions - and when they see the extraordinary results you are getting - you make
the statement that blame placing is not acceptable behavior. By doing so, you
help promote an atmosphere of harmony and integrity.
6. Have a positive and grateful attitude
. Being a progressive leader means
being a highly effective leader, and accepting nothing less than excellence from
yourself and others. If you are grateful for all the things that happen in your
life (good and bad) you simply cannot hold angry feelings toward others, or
place blame where it does not belong. It takes practice to reach that level but
progressive leaders understand that the payoff is high!
Accepting responsibility for your actions, and those of your team, sends a loud
message to others. "I am a strong leader, capable of handling my own actions
and those of my team. I do not play games. I am fully prepared for the
challenges of my job, and additional responsibilities that come with all future
promotions."
Carole Nicolaides
is President and Executive Coach of Progressive Leadership, offering
executive coaching, organizational development consulting and leadership
development training. Improve your business relationships, communication, team
performance and bottom line starting now. Visit http://www.progressiveleadership.com
for more info & subscribe to Carole's FREE Ezine.